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I don't hate America. Far from it. But having lived in Brazil for over two months now, I’m starting to get to the
point where I’m a little homesick and little sick of home. And recently, I've been reflecting on my experiences here and thinking a lot about the United States.
So I decided to make a list:
Five Things I Hate About America
1) Chain restaurants
When I walk down the streets of São Paulo and pass a McDonald's, a Pizza Hut and a Hooters - it makes me want to punch Uncle Sam right in the nutsack. I have no problem with shitty chain restaurants completely homogenizing the Midwestern United States (let's be honest - it had nothing going for it anyway), but when I see this shameful part of Americana invading other countries - it makes me livid. Brazil has such a rich and wonderful culture that it kills me to see it being watered down with such bland, reheated dreck. If this trend continues, the entire world is going to look like a Cleveland strip mall by the year 2018.
2) Protestant work ethic
Granted, America's Protestant work ethic arguably turned the country into an international superpower - but after spending time in Brazil, it's clear to see that Americans, in general, are way too work-obsessed. Brazilians know that while work is important, it's not nearly as important as taking a two hour lunch break to enjoy a sunny afternoon. The work will still be there when you get back. And why would you ever want to eat at your desk? That concept doesn't even exist here - neither does eating alone.
It's this obsession with work that also forces Americans to squander their youth. In Rio, I was talking to a girl from one of those places in northern Europe that I can never remember if it’s a city or a country (Zurich? Denmark? Copenhagen? Geneva?). She was 21 years old and living in a favela in the mountains of Rio (and had been doing so for the past two years). When I asked her why, she responded, "You Americans just don't understand. When else are you going to be able to do something like this? When you have a wife and kids?"
Ouch.
The English and Australians have their "Gap Year" - an accepted practice where kids out of high school or college take a year to travel the world and/or volunteer. We don't have anything like this in America - and it's almost frowned upon by our society. If you decide to take a year-long sabbatical from work to see the world, people either think you're a slacker or suffering from a "quarter-life crisis."
3) American isolationism
In America, it's extremely easy to get trapped in a bubble - closing off your mind to new experiences and different cultures. And it’s this type of isolation that breeds ignorance.
I know this because I speak from experience.
I grew up in a very homogenous suburban New Jersey town. Half the town was Italian. The other half was Irish. Everyone was white. And everyone was Catholic.
Five Things I Hate About America
1) Chain restaurants
When I walk down the streets of São Paulo and pass a McDonald's, a Pizza Hut and a Hooters - it makes me want to punch Uncle Sam right in the nutsack. I have no problem with shitty chain restaurants completely homogenizing the Midwestern United States (let's be honest - it had nothing going for it anyway), but when I see this shameful part of Americana invading other countries - it makes me livid. Brazil has such a rich and wonderful culture that it kills me to see it being watered down with such bland, reheated dreck. If this trend continues, the entire world is going to look like a Cleveland strip mall by the year 2018.
2) Protestant work ethic
Granted, America's Protestant work ethic arguably turned the country into an international superpower - but after spending time in Brazil, it's clear to see that Americans, in general, are way too work-obsessed. Brazilians know that while work is important, it's not nearly as important as taking a two hour lunch break to enjoy a sunny afternoon. The work will still be there when you get back. And why would you ever want to eat at your desk? That concept doesn't even exist here - neither does eating alone.
It's this obsession with work that also forces Americans to squander their youth. In Rio, I was talking to a girl from one of those places in northern Europe that I can never remember if it’s a city or a country (Zurich? Denmark? Copenhagen? Geneva?). She was 21 years old and living in a favela in the mountains of Rio (and had been doing so for the past two years). When I asked her why, she responded, "You Americans just don't understand. When else are you going to be able to do something like this? When you have a wife and kids?"
Ouch.
The English and Australians have their "Gap Year" - an accepted practice where kids out of high school or college take a year to travel the world and/or volunteer. We don't have anything like this in America - and it's almost frowned upon by our society. If you decide to take a year-long sabbatical from work to see the world, people either think you're a slacker or suffering from a "quarter-life crisis."
3) American isolationism
In America, it's extremely easy to get trapped in a bubble - closing off your mind to new experiences and different cultures. And it’s this type of isolation that breeds ignorance.
I know this because I speak from experience.
I grew up in a very homogenous suburban New Jersey town. Half the town was Italian. The other half was Irish. Everyone was white. And everyone was Catholic.
I was raised on a diet of
hamburgers, chicken fingers and pasta – and hated any so-called “foreign foods.”
I refused to eat burritos ("No thanks, I don't eat Mexican food."), I
never had hummus (“It’s made from chickpeas? I’ll pass”), and I couldn’t even
look at sushi (“Is that seaweed!?”).
Traveling during the summer
meant driving 75 miles down the Garden State Parkway to the Jersey Shore. And
even though I lived 40 minutes from New York City, I would only go in for field
trips or the occasional Dave Matthews Band concert.
I was living in my New Jersey
bubble – surrounded by people who looked like me, sounded like me, and thought
like me. Anything “new” or “different” was “stupid” or “weird.” And worst of
all, my favorite restaurant was Applebee’s.
Thankfully, I managed to
escape my bubble somewhere around my junior year of college. What I used to
think was “stupid” and “weird” became “beautiful” and “exciting.”
And while I still have a ways to go when it comes to expanding my horizons (especially when it comes to travel) – it pains me to think that there are people in America perfectly happy living in their bubbles indefinitely.
(Also, I should say that New
Jersey is a wonderful state with many diverse cultures and an amazing variety
of restaurants – all of which I can now fully and truly appreciate.)
4) Political correctness
Trying to explain "political correctness" to a Brazilian is like trying to explain what colors are to the blind. Any attempt to make a Brazilian understand why it's rude or impolite to use certain words - no matter how many times they're used in rap songs - is just met with, "Why?" And while it's still a little odd for my American brain to process this completely - it's just refreshing to hear people be so goddamn blunt. It makes the American tendency to clumsily tip-toe around sensitive subjects look antiquated by comparison.
It's also refreshing that Brazilians don't have any weird hang-ups when it comes to race. Instead, people here acknowledge and celebrate their differences. I've always said that the only way we're going to eliminate racism in America is if we all got together and started making babies. Well it seems Brazilians pretty much took this idea and ran with it - as everyone here is a beautiful shade of mocha brown. Brazilians are a little combination of everything and can trace their ancestry back to pretty much every country on the planet. Because it becomes too complicated to track ancestral lineage, race just loses all of its importance.
And even though there's a large immigrant population in Brazil, they just view themselves as Brazilians. Not Japanese-Brazilians. Not Italian-Brazilians. Just Brazilians. Let's just say you're not going to see anyone driving around with an Italian flag magnet on the bumper of their Jetta. I wish Americans had that same attitude.
5) Language education
I took eight years of Spanish lessons. Eight. Years. Guess how much Spanish I can speak? None. So, is this a failure of the American school system or my own laziness? For purposes of this list, I'm going to say that it's the failure of the American school system which allowed me to be so lazy. The fact that I was able to progress through my Spanish classes - getting A's and B's but not being able to speak a goddamn word - means that something was broken. It's one of my biggest regrets that I was never able to learn a language other than English - right behind not learning to play lead guitar, and not investing in Apple stock in 1997.
However, in Brazil, everyone speaks Portuguese - Spanish's bastard child. So what I don't know in Spanish, I REALLY don't know in Portuguese.
But being surrounded by people who don't speak your language, you start to realize just how stupid languages are in general. The advent of Google Translate has made this readily apparent - since you can watch in real-time as each of your typed words are instantly converted from English to Portuguese (or any other language). Suddenly, the person who was staring at you with a confused expression instantly understands what you were trying to say (e.g. "Please stop stabbing me in the face" becomes "Pare de me esfaquear no rosto, por favor"). It's all just a code - but I don't have my secret decoder ring.
In the end, I just want to be able to order food without having to point to the menu like a 5-year-old ("I WANT THIS").
4) Political correctness
Trying to explain "political correctness" to a Brazilian is like trying to explain what colors are to the blind. Any attempt to make a Brazilian understand why it's rude or impolite to use certain words - no matter how many times they're used in rap songs - is just met with, "Why?" And while it's still a little odd for my American brain to process this completely - it's just refreshing to hear people be so goddamn blunt. It makes the American tendency to clumsily tip-toe around sensitive subjects look antiquated by comparison.
It's also refreshing that Brazilians don't have any weird hang-ups when it comes to race. Instead, people here acknowledge and celebrate their differences. I've always said that the only way we're going to eliminate racism in America is if we all got together and started making babies. Well it seems Brazilians pretty much took this idea and ran with it - as everyone here is a beautiful shade of mocha brown. Brazilians are a little combination of everything and can trace their ancestry back to pretty much every country on the planet. Because it becomes too complicated to track ancestral lineage, race just loses all of its importance.
And even though there's a large immigrant population in Brazil, they just view themselves as Brazilians. Not Japanese-Brazilians. Not Italian-Brazilians. Just Brazilians. Let's just say you're not going to see anyone driving around with an Italian flag magnet on the bumper of their Jetta. I wish Americans had that same attitude.
5) Language education
I took eight years of Spanish lessons. Eight. Years. Guess how much Spanish I can speak? None. So, is this a failure of the American school system or my own laziness? For purposes of this list, I'm going to say that it's the failure of the American school system which allowed me to be so lazy. The fact that I was able to progress through my Spanish classes - getting A's and B's but not being able to speak a goddamn word - means that something was broken. It's one of my biggest regrets that I was never able to learn a language other than English - right behind not learning to play lead guitar, and not investing in Apple stock in 1997.
However, in Brazil, everyone speaks Portuguese - Spanish's bastard child. So what I don't know in Spanish, I REALLY don't know in Portuguese.
But being surrounded by people who don't speak your language, you start to realize just how stupid languages are in general. The advent of Google Translate has made this readily apparent - since you can watch in real-time as each of your typed words are instantly converted from English to Portuguese (or any other language). Suddenly, the person who was staring at you with a confused expression instantly understands what you were trying to say (e.g. "Please stop stabbing me in the face" becomes "Pare de me esfaquear no rosto, por favor"). It's all just a code - but I don't have my secret decoder ring.
In the end, I just want to be able to order food without having to point to the menu like a 5-year-old ("I WANT THIS").
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