Eat, Pray, Crap

Most pictures of people with their food are boring. Case in point.

Brazilians love their food - and with good reason. The food here is ridiculously good. Every meal in Brazil is a decadent schmorgasboard of beef, pork and carbs. And dessert? A must. In order for Brazilians to eat what they do every single day, they must have the highest metabolism out any population on the planet.

However, that isn't to say that Brazilians are skinny by any means. Before I arrived, I had pictured a bunch of Miss Universes walking around the streets of São Paulo - with their long legs and flat stomachs. In reality, most women here, while certainly not fat, sport a lovely paunch - which is only emphasized by their preference for tight belly shirts. The men, meanwhile, can be best described as chubby, doughy or pudgy. It seems whole health-food craze of the United States hasn’t even scratched the surface of the Brazilian consciousness.

But honestly, who can blame them? I love the food here, exactly as it is. So instead of writing a dissertation (dessert-ation?) on Brazilian dietary reform, I wanted to celebrate this country’s food - in all of its artery-clogging, high-blood-pressure-causing glory.

(Also, please excuse that "dessert-ation" joke. That was really bad.)

An analysis of each major food group below…

Eu Quero Te Beijar ("I Want to Kiss You")

Just imagine this is one giant school gymnasium...with a chandelier

After spending many nights in São Paulo's most exclusive bars and clubs (obviously), the scene in Brazil can be best summarized in the following way:

Freshmen year homecoming dance

Brazilians love making-out. Or more accurately: sucking-face. At any bar or club in Brazil, you`ll find at least fifteen "couples" in throes of passion, seeing who can shove their tongue farther down the other person's throat. If this was Teen Night at Joey Harrison's Surf Club in 1999 - I would be ecstatic. Unfortunately, trying to navigate around two grown individuals playing tonsil-hockey can be a bit sickening. In the United States, such Public Displays of Affection are relegated to the darkest of corners, and last only about five minutes before someone makes the "next move." Not so in Brazil. Make-out sessions here take place in the middle of the dance-floor, or right in front of the bar, or over the dinner table, and last the entire night. The only "next move" here is stopping and finding someone new to make-out with.