Five Things I Miss About America

Vila Olimpia Shopping Mall: Almost as pretty as the beaches of Ipanema...

I miss America. And while there are things about the United States that still annoy me, living in Brazil has made me appreciate many other things that I normally would have taken for granted.

So I decided to make a list:

Five Things I Miss About America

1) Safety

While I haven't felt unsafe in São Paulo, there certainly are things I've had to sacrifice to feel that way. I don't wear my watch. I don't walk around with my iPod. I try not to use my cell phone in public. And, if I'm carrying my laptop, I take a taxi to work even though it's only a 10 minute walk from my hotel. But because petty street crime is a popular pastime here, you don't want to do anything, carry anything, or wear anything that would make you look like a target. We've all heard the story about the Americans who were robbed at machine gun point. I'd prefer if that wasn't me.

And although I wouldn't call New York City a perfectly safe city (we have other things to worry about like terrorists and protestors), the criminal element seems to stay in specified areas. As long as you're not wandering around the Bronx at 2AM, I think you're pretty safe. And even so, I think a machine gun is a bit excessive - even for the most ruthless New York criminals.

Eat, Pray, Crap

Most pictures of people with their food are boring. Case in point.

Brazilians love their food - and with good reason. The food here is ridiculously good. Every meal in Brazil is a decadent schmorgasboard of beef, pork and carbs. And dessert? A must. In order for Brazilians to eat what they do every single day, they must have the highest metabolism out any population on the planet.

However, that isn't to say that Brazilians are skinny by any means. Before I arrived, I had pictured a bunch of Miss Universes walking around the streets of São Paulo - with their long legs and flat stomachs. In reality, most women here, while certainly not fat, sport a lovely paunch - which is only emphasized by their preference for tight belly shirts. The men, meanwhile, can be best described as chubby, doughy or pudgy. It seems whole health-food craze of the United States hasn’t even scratched the surface of the Brazilian consciousness.

But honestly, who can blame them? I love the food here, exactly as it is. So instead of writing a dissertation (dessert-ation?) on Brazilian dietary reform, I wanted to celebrate this country’s food - in all of its artery-clogging, high-blood-pressure-causing glory.

(Also, please excuse that "dessert-ation" joke. That was really bad.)

An analysis of each major food group below…