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| The dance floor is covered in a layer of "samba farts" |
Entertainment junkies (like myself) will
find a lot to love in Brazil. Not only is this country the birthplace of
unique musical genres like bossa nova and samba, but Brazilian cinema and
television are also currently on the rise.
By living in São Paulo for three months, I
was fortunate enough to get to sample all different types of Brazilian
entertainment – many of which reminded me I wasn’t in America anymore.
My observations below:
Movies
It’s not very hard to find a movie theater
in São Paulo. Every shopping mall has its own theater, and there's a shopping
mall on every corner (which is only a slight exaggeration). The theaters
are state-of-the-art, complete with stadium seating, high-definition projectors
and moveable armrests (so that couples can partake in Brazil’s favorite
pastime: making-out).
If you’re going to the movies, you can choose
between American films (which are at least four months old) or Brazilian
films.
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| This guy is in every Brazilian movie |
The most popular Brazilian films include Cidade
de Deus (about the slums of Rio de Janeiro), Tropa de Elite
(about the slums of Rio de Janeiro), and Tropa de Elite 2 (about
the slums of Rio de Janeiro). Clearly Brazilians love watching movies with
varied themes.
The American movies are exactly the same as
they are in the United States, except they’re plastered with Portuguese
subtitles. So if you’re watching a comedy, there’s a good five second
delay between each joke and when everyone laughs (I like to laugh first,
just to let everyone in the theater know how smart I am).
But the most amusing thing about American
movies in Brazil is their translated titles. For some reason, movie titles
aren’t translated word-for-word. Instead, Brazilians rename each movie
so its title just becomes a summary of the movie’s plot. In the meantime,
any and all subtlety is completely thrown out the window.
For example, in Brazil, Horrible Bosses
is translated to “Quero Matar Meu Chefe” (literally: “I Want
To Kill My Boss”).
Ocean's Eleven is called “Onze Homens e Um Segredo” (“Eleven Men and One Secret”).
And, ironically, Lost in Translation is
“Encontros e Desencontros” (“Meetings and
Misunderstandings”).
Television
Flipping through the TV channels in Brazil
is an adventure - you never know what kind of off-kilter programming you're
going to stumble upon. If you find an American TV show, it's usually a
bad sitcom (e.g. Two and a Half Men), something from the mid-90's
(e.g. Friends) or some a long-forgotten movie (e.g. Meet The
Applegates). If it's a Brazilian TV show, then it's something that
was clearly influenced by American programming, but has a uniquely Brazilian
twist to it.
For example, if you're craving a late night
talk show, there's Programa do Jô - hosted by a fat, bearded, bespectacled
old man named Jô Soares. The show looks, in every way, exactly like an
American late night talk show: Jô sits at a desk in front of a fake cityscape,
he has a house band (named the Sexteto), and he interviews guests
who are usually there to plug their movies, TV shows, etc. But even though
the show looks like it should an American talk show, it certainly doesn't
sound like one. Ignoring the whole language difference thing, the "live
studio audience” seems to consist of only 15 people who, apparently, hate
to laugh. And Jô loves punctuate his interviews with as many long, painfully-awkward
silences as humanly possible. Compared to the polished American late night
shows that skip along at a well-paced beat, Programa do Jô feels
like a cable-access version of Charlie Rose. You know something's wrong
when you start longing for Jay Leno.
If you're looking for soap operas, Brazil
has plenty. But instead of being banished to a mid-day timeslot, the Brazilian
"novelas" are shown every night during prime time. And
instead of catering to only stay-at-home moms and crackheads, novellas
are watched by the entire nation. These hour-long programs start at 6PM,
and progressively get more risqué as the night goes on. So if you're watching
the 9PM novela - you're essentially watching a softcore porn version of
Dawson's Creek.
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| The top names in Brazilian journalism |
However, by far the most amusing show in Brazil
is a morning show called Mais Você – starring Ana Maria and Louro
José. This is a show that, when I first saw it on TV, really made me wonder,
"Where the hell am I?" It’s basically LIVE! with Regis &
Kelly if Regis was a ghoulish old lady with too much plastic surgery
and Kelly was a puppet. Yes, Louro José, one of the co-hosts, is a puppet
– one in the form of a parrot. Now, this would be perfectly fine if the
show was aimed towards little children. But it most definitely is not.
For example, on this morning's show, Ana Maria was reporting on the rise
of violence in the streets of Brazil – complete with graphic surveillance
footage of people being beaten, stabbed and shot – all while the parrot
interjected comments in a high-pitched squawk. Another morning, Ana Maria
was testing out different ways to pick-up dog poop. In between these riveting
exposés, Ana Maria interviews guests and shares recipes - with stupid Louro
José providing a running commentary throughout. The show is extremely popular
among Brazilian housewives – and has been the source for several best-selling
books. Basically, if you ever need an example of why Brazil won't succeed
as a global power - I would point to Mais Você.
Music
In Brazil, the Portuguese word "música"
is used to mean both "music" and "song." When I asked
a Brazilian coworker how they’re able to distinguish between the two meanings,
he said, "We just do.”
But living in Brazil, you’re exposed to all
different types of músicas and músicas. Here are a few of
the most popular kinds:
American Music
Brazilians love their American music. In fact,
if you turn on any radio in Brazil, there’s a very good chance you’ll
find American pop, rock, and hip-hop before any original Brazilian music.
It's interesting to see which American bands became popular here. For example,
Brazilians absolutely love Pearl Jam, Kings of Leon and Pink Floyd (which
Brazilian lump into "American music" even though they're a British
band).
They also love the most random songs. For
example, "Psycho Killer" by The Talking Heads is so popular here;
I heard a Brazilian cover band play it twice in the same set. And the crowd
LOVED it. Both times. And Brazilians go crazy for Queen's "I Want
To Break Free" – and seem to be completely oblivious to the homosexual
undertones of the song.
But my favorite thing is hearing how Brazilians
completely butcher the names of American artists and genres. Brazilians
have this habit changing the pronunciation of English words (e.g. adding
vowels and syllables) to make it easier for them to pronounce in Portuguese.
So when my coworker told me he liked "Kennie Est", it
took me a while to figure out he was actually talking about Kanye West.
This lead to the my coworker practicing how to say "Kan-ye" for
about an hour and a half.
So if you’re traveling to Brazil, here’s
a quick guide to American artists:
- "Kennie Est" = Kanye West
- "Heggie Hotchie Chili Peppers" = Red Hot Chili Peppers
- "Kaytchie Pehie" = Katy Perry
And here's a quick guide to musical genres:
- "Hockey Holy" = Rock & Roll
- "Hippie Hoppie" = Hip-Hop
- "Housie Mooseekie" = House Music
Samba
When most people think of Brazil - they think
of samba. This fast-paced dance music is pretty much synonymous with the
country from which it originated. The music is so fun and lively that you
don't even notice that each song sounds exactly the same. There's a tradition
in Brazil of going to samba on Saturdays – where you eat a large lunch
of feijoada (a bean and pork stew) and then dance away the rest
of the afternoon (so yes, after the bean stew, the dance floor is pretty
much covered in a layer of farts).
But it's amazing (and also very intimidating)
watching Brazilians dance to samba. Women are basically whisked off their
feet and swirled around the dance floor by guys who can move their hips
in ways not seen in the United States. And Brazilian women LOVE guys who
know how to dance. There is a saying in Brazil that goes, "If you're
fat or ugly, you better learn how to dance." This is why, if you’re
at a samba bar, you’ll see a disproportionate amount of guys with girls
who are way out of their league.
And coming from the United States, we're used
to our singers being young and attractive. But it seems that the most popular
samba singers in Brazil are all ugly old men. One singer in particular,
Zeca Pagodinha, looks like your fat uncle got drunk at a wedding and stole
the microphone away from the DJ. But, in Brazil, he has three concert specials
on MTV.
Sertanejo
Developed in the rural countryside, sertanejo
is known as “Brazilian country music.” And while it shares the same fashion
as American country music (e.g. big cowboy hats, big cowboy boots and giant
belt buckles), that’s about where the similarities end. To get an idea
of what the music is like - just imagine lots of acoustic guitars, harmonized
vocals and accordion solos (That's right - it's nice to see the accordion
being used in popular music by someone other than Weird Al Yankovic). The
most popular sertanejo bands consist of two singers – usually two pudgy
brothers or two pudgy friends – with names like "Jorge and Mateus,"
"Cesar Menotti and Fabiano" and "Vitor and Leo." Recently,
however, this status quo has been upset by the rise of young, hip, Justin
Bieber-y singers that wear graphic tees and rock hands-free microphones.
But the genre is extremely limited. Once a
song becomes popular, every other singer decides they need to cover it.
So if you listen to sertanejo music long enough, you start to realize that
there are only like five songs.
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| ACCORDION SOLO! |
Funk Carioca
Formed in slums of Rio de Janeiro (where all
the popular movies take place), funk carioca (or just "funk")
takes rap beats from the late 80's, adds some "booty bass", and
tops it all off with some (awesomely) sexual lyrics. For example, the song
"Injeção" by Dieze Tigrona, in addition to sounding like it was
made using effects from a Casio keyboard, includes lyrics where the singer
goes to the doctor to get an "injection" that "hurts when
it penetrates" (very subtle). While funk music is very popular in
Brazil, it's not played at many bars or clubs for fear of causing trouble.
Instead, the most common place to hear funk is blasting out of passing
cars. If you want to find a place that plays funk, you would need to travel
into the slums or search for a "baile funk" disco (usually an
abandoned warehouse). But, I was told that the dirty dancing at funk parties
can get so bad, most women leave pregnant.
Bossa Nova
When I asked a Brazilian about this influential
musical genre, I was told, “Bossa nova is only for old people. No one
likes it anymore because you can’t dance to it.” Fair enough.
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When I’m back in America, I’ll have a few
new shows to watch and a few new songs on my iPod to remind me of my time
spent in Brazil. But until then, I’ll be watching Ônibus 174. It’s
a very popular Brazilian movie. You’ll never guess what it’s about.
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