Culture Club

Now imagine trying to drive through this mess

Let's be honest, most of the world is pretty much Americanized. You can thank (or blame) American movies, rock & roll and the internet - but it seems that American culture has managed to sneak its way into just about every country on this planet.

Brazil is no exception.

Excluding the obvious language differences, Brazil (and São Paulo, especially) has been very heavily influenced by the United States. Lord knows how many times I've crawled into a São Paulo taxi only to have some terrible Katy Perry song blasting back at me. With such a strong influence, it's easy to forget that I'm in a different country all the way on the other side of the planet. So when uniquely Brazilian cultural differences manage to bubble their way to the surface - I tend to take notice.

Here are some of the more recent observations:

Hygiene

Brazilians are extremely hygienic. I'm not saying Americans are smelly and Brazilians aren't (because I've met some smelly Brazilians as well), but I've noticed that Brazilians definitely place a larger emphasis on their personal hygiene than Americans do.

(I should mention that this is aside from the Brazilian proclivity for removing "unsightly" hairs.)

For example, after every meal, Brazilians immediately run to the bathroom with their travel-sized toothbrushes to brush and floss their teeth (that's right - in Brazil, flossing isn't just something you lie to your dentist about). Most Brazilians walk around with a fanny pack of dental equipment - which is used with neurotic fervor whenever a speck of food touches their gums. I'm still trying to figure out if this dental hygiene obsession correlates with the popularity of adult braces (which seem to be all the rage in São Paulo). But just be warned: if you try to use the bathroom during peak tooth-brushing hours, you might have to push your way through a line of people vigorously scrubbing away at the sink - working themselves into a foamy, minty lather.

Wash your hands and pee (at the same time!)

Brazilians are also constantly grooming themselves. Whereas most Americans would be ashamed to be caught fixing their hair in a mirror (seeing it as a sign of vanity), Brazilians can be found primping and preening in front of any reflective surface (windows, rear-view mirrors, shiny spoons, etc.).

But the greatest example of Brazil's obsession with hygiene is when it comes to sneezing. When I first arrived in São Paulo, I was told that the Brazilian equivalent of "God bless you" was "Saúde." So, armed with my new word, I shouted "Saúde!" whenever anyone in my office sneezed. However, it took me about two weeks to notice that I was the only one shouting this. All of my Brazilian coworkers, upon hearing the offending sneeze, would continue to work in silence - not even batting an eyelid. So finally I decided to ask a Brazilian friend why everyone was ignoring the (occassionally very violent) sneezes. He told me that Brazilians actually think it's rude to say "Saúde" after a sneeze, since it draws attention to the person and their snotty germ expulsion. So basically, Brazilians treat sneezes like farts. Farts from the mouth and nose. God only knows what would happen if someone actually farted for real. They would probably evacuate the building or something.

Work

Working in São Paulo is actually very similar to working in New York City. Because São Paulo is the business capital of Brazil, everyone here is very career focused. There's an expression I've heard a few times that goes, "In São Paulo - time is money. In Rio - time is pleasure." Both cities wear this same expression as a badge of honor. Paulistas (people from São Paulo) view Cariocas (people from Rio) as lazy bums; whereas Cariocas view Paulistas as stressed-out workaholics.

But, even though São Paulo has this reputation for being the "New York City of Brazil" - with its fast-paced lifestyle and cut-throat Wall Street attitude - there are still many differences I've noticed in the workplace.

The first difference you'll notice right away is just the amount of touching that goes on in the office. And kissing. Every morning, as each co-worker arrives, they circle around the office, shaking hands, giving out hugs, and kissing everyone on the cheek. So around 9AM, the only thing you can hear in the office is the deafening sound of smooches. This doesn't seem like a huge difference until you ask yourself, "When was the last time I kissed my boss?" (If you answered, "This morning," I recommend you contact your Human Resources Representative.)

This touchy-feely attitude also applies to their work e-mails. In Brazil, it's very common to close your professional e-mails with "Abraços" ("Hugs") or "Beijos" ("Kisses") – almost as if it was written by Gossip Girl. But even worse is when Brazilians decide to abbreviate "Kisses" to simply "bjs." Again, ask yourself, "When was the last time my boss sent me an e-mail ending with "bjs"?" (If you answered, "This morning," I very strongly recommend you contact your Human Resources Representative.)

Another workplace difference I've noticed is with elevator etiquette.

In America, when riding the elevator, everyone silently faces the door and just tries to avoid eye contact with one another. If there's a TV - then everyone pretends to be really interested in whatever awful news headlines flash across the screen ("Hilary Duff is pregnant! My God!"). If not - then everyone just awkwardly watches the floor numbers change ("Look! The third floor comes after the second floor!"). If anyone talks, everyone else in the elevator silently wishes death upon them.

In Brazil, riding the elevator is much different. First, Brazilians try to squish as many people in as humanly possible. I guess the phrase, "Oh, I'll just wait for the next one" doesn't translate into Portuguese. Also, instead of facing one direction, everyone faces the center (that is, of course, unless they're shamelessly fixing their hair in the elevator mirror). So not only is some stranger violating your personal space, but now he's breathing directly in your face. This happens even when there's a TV in the elevator ("Does no one care about Hilary Duff?!"). But even worse, everyone on the elevator actually talks to one another. Jerks.

And while on the subject, let's also talk about escalator etiquette. Not only do Brazilians choose to remain stationary on the escalator, they don't even move to one side to let others (i.e. Americans) pass. Instead they treat these things like they're the new roller coaster at Six Flags - gripping both railings and just enjoying the ride.

But I digress...

The final and biggest difference I've noticed in the Brazilian workplace is with the lunch break. In America, we tend to race through our lunches and leave the office earlier - mostly so we can get to our loved ones (i.e. prime time television). In Brazil, lunch breaks have been known to last up to two hours - and everyone eats their lunches at a restaurant. So from noon until 2PM, the office is a proverbial ghost town. This "lost" time is then tacked onto the end of the workday. So it's not uncommon for Brazilians to regularly work until past 9PM - even on Fridays (Loved ones be damned!).

But mostly, this extra time is used to avoid the awful São Paulo rush hour traffic...

Driving

If New York City traffic is considered "terrible" - I don't even know what I would call São Paulo traffic.

The city, with its 20 million inhabitants, was not designed with its commuters in mind (or anyone else in mind for that matter). São Paulo is a tangled web of one-way streets and two-lane highways. And its public transportation system is optimistically described as "only moderately awful." So each day, from 5PM to around 8:30PM, every major road becomes jam packed with a wall of Toyota Corollas, Fiats, and Honda Civics.

Instead of fixing the problem, however, São Paulo's inhabitants have learned to adapt to their environment. And when you see how they've adapted, it reminds you that you're definitely not in America anymore.

The first thing you notice are the "Motoboys." This is the term given to the guys who weave through traffic on their glorified mopeds. During rush hour, São Paulo comes alive with the deafening sound Motoboys buzzing around cars like swarms of bees. In most American states, this lane-splitting maneuver is illegal (and is something I jerkily try to prevent by positioning my car between lanes during traffic jams), but in São Paulo, it’s actually encouraged to keep traffic moving. As the Motoboys zoom between cars, they give quick little honks, just to let everyone know, “Hey, I’ll be driving by you at 80kph. Please don’t change lanes or I’ll be a splatter on the pavement.” Normally I would call what they do death-defying, but I was told that at least two Motoboys die every day (and seeing how they drive, I was surprised the mortality rate was so low). But I guess, even cheating death is better than sitting in São Paulo traffic.

Next, if you jump in certain cabs, you might notice a TV screen. So now you’re thinking, “Oh that’s nice – a TV in the back seat for the passengers. Just like New York!” This would be incorrect. It seems that some of the more tech-savvy taxi drivers, in an effort to stave off boredom during traffic jams, decided to install LCD screens right on their dashboards. Sometimes it's even installed in the space between the steering wheel and the driver side door - so no one but the driver can enjoy it. But, of course, it’s not like they turn off the TV when rush hour is over. It’s always fun to swerve through the perilous roads of São Paulo while your taxi driver’s eyes are focused directly on his favorite soap opera.

At this point, I should also mention that “red lights” in São Paulo are optional. As long as you give a honk beforehand, you don’t even have to pump your breaks before barreling through the intersection.

But, when it comes to the open road, the ultimate difference between Brazil and America is the former’s acceptance of drunk driving. Well, okay fine – technically it is illegal to drive drunk in Brazil. But, from what I’ve observed, the laws don’t seem to be enforced so much. I mean, if it’s going to take you two hours to drive 6 kilometers – why not get a little buzz on while you wait? I’ve seen people in São Paulo drive past police officers with open beers hanging out their windows (which, obviously, didn’t seem to bother the officers at all). And let’s be honest, it’s just impressive when you see someone driving, drinking a beer, smoking a cigarette and sending a text message all at the same time.

As a pedestrian in São Paulo, all of the above factors make for a very interesting commute. But, if that wasn't enough, add to it that pedestrians never have the right of way. Ever. If you’re walking through an intersection, you better make sure you look “both ways” as well as “all-four ways” as cars will gladly turn into you without abandon. And if you’re in a crosswalk and you see the “Don’t Walk” signal start to flash, you better start sprinting. It only flashes once before the lights change – leaving you like a deer caught in the headlights. As a pedestrian in São Paulo, I think I've reached the "Acceptance" stage of the Kübler-Ross Model on at least three separate occasions.

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So yes – even though Brazilians may sing along to “Firework” every now and then (or, at the very least, pretend to know English well enough to sing along) – there are still many things in Brazil that have not been touched by American culture.

Whether that’s a good or bad thing, based on the list above, is still up for debate. For now, as they say, “it is what it is.”

Except for not saying, "Saúde." That is just plain wrong.